I'm not exactly sure what the hell is going on around this ol' globular structure consisting of numerous gases, minerals, elements, carbon, various types of rock and McDonalds quality H2O of ours but methinks the world could use a makeover.
First thing?
Climate. ALL of them to be exact.
The social, the political, the popular culture, psychological, emotional...I'm pretty sure if we clean up those eyesores first, then we'll see more sunny days and fewer storms ahead.
Let's see now...we have a debate chock-full of presidential candidates debating topics on live t.v. that are being posed to them via YouTube from a talking snowman concerned about global warming and some whack-job holding an automatic rifle that he calls "his baby" wondering which candidate is going to protect "his baby"?! ZOIKS SCOOB!
good as place as any to start...
Where next, hmmm? OOOOOHH! I KNOW! Survivor. No silly, not the BAND...they thankfully hit the top of the charts and then went away quietly with dignity into the Fight Of Your Life Song Hall of Fame to await being called back into action whenever someone needed inspiration to overcome some huge personal obstacle ala Rocky Balboa or last week's guest on Oprah..YOU GO GIRL! Grrrrrrrrr. Ahem....sure, that's the ticket.
No, I mean the t.v. show. No sense having that hanging around anymore. It's out of style having lost its fashionable savvy edge a while ago, so out it goes with the white leather belt with lots of rivets, Ugg boots, muffin-top causing jeans and that bohemian chic look that I personally hold the Olsen twins responsible for bringing back. Don't get me wrong, it's a good look...ON A WOMAN WITH HIPS, BREASTS AND OF LEGAL AGE. Sighhhh...
Next up? Chihuahuas. 8 ZILLION breeds of dogs in the world and we only see Mexico's answer to the guinea pig? Time for an update. Something fresh and new and sexy and suitable for a day at the beach and then by throwing on some pearls or a rather fetching scarf, a night out on the town. My pick? Great Dane. Sure, they're big but they sum up elegance and dignity with a certain je ne sais quois...a sexy way of telling annoying people to FUCK OFF without having to yell or throw a drink or cause a scene...just a simple glance and a look away and c'est la vie. Let's see Tinkerbell pull that off from within the confines of this summer's latest clutch from Louis Vuitton; the best that rat with the Tiffany diamond collar could do to scare you is have all the clean towels removed from your hotel room...oooooooohhhhhh.
Old records cluttering up? Yep, time for a garage sale. 50 cents a piece and you have your pick of ALL American Idol contestants, pseudo-punk black eye-liner wearing sad 20-somethings OH SO full of angst and despair caused by their fluffy pop-music princess girlfriends (HELLO? Hillary? Watch your ass toots...I gots my eye on you..), rapping country rock idols with manicured goatees and dolphin leather cowboy hats...in fact, let's make it a steal. Buy one and get 30 free...
Bunch of old movies kicking around? Oh boy...that is going to need some SERIOUS cleaning product. Mr. Clean on steroids I'm thinking. All the fresh coats of paint, dazzling glitter and pretty ribbons and bows just are not enough to spruce up that tired old story that keeps getting told over and over again. Sooooo? Chuck it. Bring in something new. Think economically. You don't have to spend a gazillon clams to have something look like you spent a gazillion clams...think Trading Spaces with screenplay writers and directors and actors and I'm positive something fantastic can be created. I'm sure there are a few stories out there that can be salvaged...a little TLC and some polish and POOF! Something familar but completely changed. Oh and here's a little tip. Leave the comics alone Hollywood. You screw them up everytime. A good thing to remember is that Keanu Reaves is NOT a comic book superhero, he is a Saturday Morning CARTOON character like Newton the centaur from "Hercules" or Pinky from "Pinky and the Brain"...excelllllent...whoa...sighhhhhhh.
I swear to the big guy upstairs that if I ever get my hands on the cats responsible for suggesting Keanu for "Constantine", I will personally see to it that they will only need coloring books as Christmas gifts to keep them amused and entertained for the rest of their lives.
So let's start there and see how we fare. I am all for the environment but in this case, I don't think Reuse and Recycle is the way to go. Something more like Remove and Replace...that has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
Remove and Replace...I like that. It sounds clean already.
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